Trauma in Children

Supporting Children Who Have Lived Through Trauma

Children whose families have lived through traumatic events can experience a number of challenges. They might find it difficult to understand their emotions, and they might react or behave in ways that make life more difficult for themselves or others around them. Some of these difficulties may include1:

  • Feeling panicked and afraid even when they are safe
  • Feeling very sad all of the time and unable to enjoy life
  • Poor sleep
  • Poor appetite or unusual eating habits
  • Hiding away from people and activities, not talking to anyone
  • Fear of being alone
  • Hurting themselves, being unable to feel pain
  • Hurting others, being angry or fighting all the time
  • Unexplained physical health problems
  • Re-enacting traumatic events repeatedly to try and understand them
  • Delays or regressions (“going backwards”) in abilities such as:
    • Going to the toilet
    • Speaking
    • Schoolwork

Children who have lived through trauma can receive a lot of help with these difficulties by talking to a professional, such as a psychologist, social worker, occupational therapist or doctor. However, there are also many things parents and families can do to understand their children and help them at home

Growing Brains

Young children’s minds are growing rapidly, and are learning many of the skills we adults use without realising. For growth to occur, children’s brains rely on only physical factors like food and sleep, but also emotional factors like safety from danger and freedom to play. Research shows2 that the growth of the brain occurs in three stages:

  • The lower parts of the brain start developing before birth and continue growing until age 2. These parts help us to stay alive, to move and to use our bodies.
  • The middle parts of the brain develop very quickly between the ages of 1 and 4. These parts help us to feel emotions, connect with other people, and to feel like we are part of a safe community.
  • The outer later of the brain develops between the ages of 3 and 6. This part helps us with language, complex thoughts, and making plans and decisions.

Children’s brains develop quickly again throughout adolescence, and remain plastic throughout their whole lives. Therapy and nurturing relationships later in life will continue to promote healing and growth.

When children live through traumatic events, their brains may not have the physical and emotional factors needed to develop well, and so they may miss out on these skills. They may be very used to repeated dangerous situations, and so their brains may have not learned how to calm down after becoming stressed (3). When one of these children becomes upset about something, parents can support their child by helping them to calm their bodies first, then connect to their emotions, before finally they talk and think together about why they were upset and how they reacted.

Calming the Body

Calm Breathing

This is a helpful way to help a child calm their body when they are very upset3.

  1. Sit or lie comfortably
  2. Breathe in through your nose (parents can count to 3)
  3. Breathe out through your mouth (parents can count to 3)
  4. Repeat 10 times

For younger children, you could try using a balloon or bubbles to make this more fun. For older children, you could ask them to imagine a colour or shape inside them as they breathe in, or ask them to say a soothing word out loud when they breathe out.

Sensory Soothing

The 5 senses are a good way to soothe and distract a child when they are upset by connecting them with their body. There are a number of toys and activities which give strong inputs to the senses. This strong input helps to shift the brain away from whatever it is thinking about, and brings it back to focussing on the body. Some strategies which might work for some children are1, 4:

  • Lying under heavy blankets
  • Playing with pets
  • Playing with large toys that can be hugged tightly
  • Playing with dough or clay
  • Warm baths
  • Icy drinks, hot drinks, thick drinks
  • Strong tastes and smells (coffee, spice, perfume)
  • Loud music
  • Trampolines

There are many toys which are designed especially to give a strong input to the senses, such as stress balls and fidget spinners. However, if you don’t have these, then natural items like feathers, shells and leaves can be helpful substitutes. Every child is different, so some strategies will work better than others, but children of all ages may find some help from using their senses. These strategies are most effective when done repeatedly during the week during calm times surrounded by people they love. This way, if they need to use a strategy when they are upset, they have already learned to connect that strategy with a feeling of safety.

Connecting with Emotions

Once a child’s body has been calmed, parents can help them understand their emotions and to feel safe, loved and valued. Often, the most effective way to connect is for the parents to try and feel the emotions that their child is feeling. This way, the child not only sees that their parent understands them and is prepared to support them, but they can observe how their parent can feel difficult emotions while maintaining strong and calm.
Some children will respond well to hugs and other forms of physical comfort during this time. Other children may respond better to reassuring words. In addition to telling them that you love them, it may be helpful4 to repeat phrases such as:

  1. You are safe here.
  2. You are surrounded by people who love you.
  3. We are here to protect you and look after you.
  4. We are strong and we can keep being strong together.
  5. We have overcome hard things before, and we can do it again together.

For older children, it may be helpful for them to think of their own helpful phrases which they can repeat to themselves. This way, they can take ownership of their own processes, and personalise it for themselves.

Here is some useful information

  1. Calming the body before calming the mind: Sensory strategies for children affected by trauma, Australian Institute of Family Studies, 2020. Available from https://aifs.gov.au/resources/short-articles/calming-body-calming-mind-sensory-strategies-children-affected-trauma
  2. Perry BD. The Neurosequential Model: A developmentally-sensitive, neuroscience-informed approach to clinical problem solving. In J Mitchell, J Tucci, & E Tronick (Eds.), The handbook of therapeutic child care: evidence-informed Approaches to working with traumatized children in foster, relative and adoptive care (pp. 137–158). London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers; 2020
  3. Perry BD, Pollard RA, Blakley TL, Baker WL, & Vigilante D. Childhood trauma, the neurobiology of adaptation, and ‘use-dependent’ development of the brain: How ‘states’ become ‘traits’. Infant Mental Health Journal, 16(4):271–291. 1995
  4. Strategies to help your child after a traumatic event, Phoenix Australia, 2015. Available from https://www.phoenixaustralia.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Phoenix-Child-Help-Strategies.pdf

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