Stillbirth: what it is and how to cope

Key points

• A stillbirth is when a baby born from 20 weeks gestation is born showing no signs of life
• Stillbirth is a very sad and difficult experience
• Spending time with your stillborn baby and creating memories can help you grieve
• After a stillbirth, birthing mothers still experience bleeding, milk production and other normal post-birth changes
• Many people can support you after a stillbirth

Translated, adapted and reproduced by Rahma Health with permission from©
raisingchildren.net.au

About stillbirth

A stillbirth is when a baby showing no signs of life is born from 20 weeks gestation or with a birthweight of 400 gm or more.

Many pregnancies are confirmed by 18 weeks. But if it isn’t clear how far along a pregnancy is, doctors will call it a stillbirth if the baby weighs 400 gm or more.

Babies can be stillborn for many reasons. But some stillbirths happen for no known reason.

If a baby dies before birth during mid-late pregnancy, it’s called an intrauterine death. If a baby dies during labour, it’s called an intrapartum death. In both situations, the baby will be stillborn.

The death of a baby is a very sad and difficult experience for parents. This experience can bring up intense feelings of grief, emptiness, anger, anxiety and depression. There’s no one or right way to feel about stillbirth.

When you know your baby has died before birth

Sometimes a baby dies in mid to late pregnancy, and an obstetrician or midwife will confirm that this has happened. In this situation, the obstetrician or midwife will explain to you what has happened and support you.

The obstetrician or midwife will also talk with you about options for your baby’s birth.

You will need to go through labour and birth so your baby can be born.

Your obstetrician might suggest an induction to bring on labour.

Your obstetrician or midwife will also discuss your preferences and needs for labour and birth, including your pain relief options. A midwife will support you during labour and birth, but you might also like to have other support people with you.

This is usually a physically demanding and emotionally distressing time for you and your partner. With the right support, birthing and meeting your baby can also be an experience that you and your partner will treasure.

After stillbirth: spending time with your baby

Spending time with your baby creates memories and lets you acknowledge that your baby is real and part of your family. Remembering and sharing these memories over time helps some people grieve. How you make memories of your baby is up to you and your family.

It’s OK for you to take as long as you need. Try not to feel pressured by other people’s expectations or experiences.

For example, you might want to spend time holding and cuddling your baby. You can also dress, bathe and take photos of your baby. You can name your baby, if you hadn’t done this already.

If you have other children, you might give them the chance to meet their sibling. You might also choose to invite other friends or relatives to meet your baby.

If you’d like to spend a few days with your baby or take your baby home for a while, speak to your midwife, who might be able to arrange this.

Doctors, midwives, social workers, pastoral carers, bereavement midwives and funeral directors will help you with the things you might want or need to do after your baby’s stillbirth. This includes organising a funeral.

With your permission, most hospitals will put some photos, footprints and a lock of your baby’s hair into a memory box. You can take this box home with you when you leave the hospital. Some hospitals might be able to look after this box until you feel ready to collect it. Or you can ask a trusted family member or friend to collect it for you.

Moving your baby to the funeral home

Your hospital and chosen funeral directors will coordinate your baby’s move to the funeral home. Your baby will be cared for with dignity and respect.

While your baby is at the funeral home, you can still visit your baby up until the burial or cremation. Speak to your funeral director, who can arrange this for you.

For birthing mothers: your body after stillbirth

After a stillbirth, a birthing mother’s body undergoes normal post-birth changes. If you’ve just experienced a stillbirth, it might help you to know what to expect.

Bleeding

After giving birth, you might have some vaginal bleeding for 5-10 days. For some birthing mothers, this can last up to 6 weeks. This is normal.

See a GP or obstetrician or go to your birthing hospital if you have:

• heavy bleeding that doesn’t stop
• severe abdominal cramps
• signs of a fever.
• Milk production and breast soreness

Because your body was expecting to care for and feed a new baby, your breasts might already have started to show signs of producing milk. For example, they might be larger, sore and tender.

A firm bra and pain relief can help to reduce the discomfort, which should go away after a few weeks. It might also help to express just enough milk for comfort. Or you could talk to your GP or obstetrician about medicines for managing breast discomfort or suppressing milk supply.

Waiting for your breasts to return to normal can be a physically and emotionally difficult time. Obstetricians, midwives and lactation consultants can offer you advice and support.

If you have breast pain, swelling, warmth, fever and chills, it’s important to see a GP as soon as possible. This might be the beginnings of mastitis, which is an inflammation of the breast that can lead to an infection. Mastitis can start from a blocked milk duct. Massaging any lumps or expressing a small amount of milk can help with this.

It’s possible to donate frozen breastmilk to milk banks to feed premature babies. Speak to your nurse or midwife if this is something you’d like to do.

Understanding why your baby died

Your doctor might ask if you’d like to have an autopsy done on your baby to find out more about why your baby died. Knowing why a baby died helps some people grieve. The information can also help doctors give you advice about future pregnancies.

Sometimes an autopsy won’t be able to tell you why your baby died. Even if the autopsy can’t explain your baby’s death, it can help to rule out some possible causes.

It can be hard to decide about having an autopsy done on your baby. It’s your choice. Doctors, midwives, social workers and pastoral carers can explain your options and support you as you decide what’s best.

Getting help after stillbirth

If you’ve lost a child at birth, it can help to talk to a trusted family member or friend about your loss. Also, midwives offer follow-up visits after stillbirth to check on your recovery and connect you and your partner with local support groups.

If you feel you aren’t coping, it’s a good idea to seek professional support. See your GP, a counsellor or a community spiritual leader, if you have one. A social worker at the hospital or your GP can help you find a local counselling service.

You can also get support by calling:

• Red Nose Grief and Loss on 1300 308 307
• Bears of Hope on 1300 114 673
• Sands on 1300 072 637
• MensLine on 1300 789 978
• Lifeline on 131 114.

Causes of stillbirth

In Australia, the most common causes of stillbirth include:

• congenital anomalies (birth defects)
• maternal medical conditions – for example, diabetes or high blood pressure, including pre-eclampsia
• problems with the placenta or umbilical cord
• infection
• unknown causes.

Legal information about stillbirth

By law, all stillbirths in Australia must be registered with Births Deaths and Marriages in your state or territory. Visit your state or territory’s Births Deaths and Marriages website for more information.

In most states and territories in Australia, it’s also a legal requirement to arrange a burial or cremation for your stillborn baby.

In some cases, your baby’s death might require a coroner’s investigation to find out the cause of death. Hospital staff will guide you through this process if it needs to happen. If your baby has died, you might be eligible for some financial support from Services Australia.

Grief after a Miscarriage or Stillbirth

The experience of a miscarriage or stillbirth is incredibly harrowing and difficult. Everyone copes with their grief in their own way and at their own pace.

You can’t rush your grief. It’s normal to feel fluctuations in your emotions for a while, and sadness can come up unexpectedly for years, such as around the time of the anniversary of your baby’s death or due date. You might find that your grief returns when a friend announces a pregnancy or when you start trying to become pregnant again.

You and your partner might experience grief differently and express it differently. Both your and your partner’s feelings are important and it’s essential that you both take time and space to care for yourself. If you have children, grandparents or others who were also involved in the joy of the pregnancy, they may also be experiencing profound grief after your loss.

Please reach out to your General Practitioner, Psychologist or other Mental Health professional if you find that after 6 weeks, you are still not sleeping well, have disordered eating, or can’t take part in your normal activities, such as work.

Many people find that it’s helpful to talk to others

Many people, even if they haven’t announced their pregnancy, find that it’s helpful to share news of a miscarriage.

It allows others to offer support.

Acknowledging your Baby’s Death

Families find that acknowledging their baby’s death helps with healing.

This can include things like:

• Donating to a charity on baby’s behalf
• Naming your baby
• Creating something for them, e.g. a quilt
• Saying goodbye through a poem, ceremony or letter
• Burying your baby
• Planting a tree or buying a plant

Community Approaches to Miscarriage and Stillbirth

It’s likely that you will want to grieve alone at times and with others at times.

Many communities organise funerals for babies who have passed away, and usually these are for any baby aged over 20 weeks. These funerals are attended by the entire community and may include a formal washing of the body, burial, prayers, speeches and support. You can consider whether this would be something that would help you process your grief.

Many cultures care for the family who has experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth through cooking for them, cleaning for them, taking care of other kids they may have, and ensuring that the mother has adequate sleep and hydration. If you are offered that support, consider accepting it as it may provide you with time to rest and care for yourself.

Here is some useful information

Last reviewed: Aug 2024